I am not good enough for her. She is too beautiful for me. I don’t think i have what it takes to maintain a long term relationship with her. She is always surrounded by handsome guys. I am too ugly for her.
A thousand and one Nigerian guys shot themselves down on a daily basis with statements like these. Guys like this have engrossed themselves in insecurity, so much so, that they eventually cling to someone they don’t love, with the belief that “She is the only lady on earth that will ever settle for a guy like me.” Ironically, some of these guys are dashingly handsome, but their poor circle of friends have created a deep low level of self esteem in their mind.
Overcoming a challenge like this require a great deal of “mental make-over”. You need to apply the mental equivalent of the dedication and practice you put into developing your abs, to overcome the in-secured mindset that have always made you feel others are better than you. The following steps will serve as a guide to guarantee you victory over insecurity:
Let go of the past: If your insecurity was created by a bad relationship you witnessed or experienced, then you need to start by letting go of that hurtful memory. Understand that the lady involved might have been driven by her own insecurity. Despite the fact that she did hurt you, you need to come to terms with the fact that we all hurt each other at one point or the other in our lives. She was not right to do what she did, but for the sake of your progress, you have to let go. Forgive her for her bad behavior, because holding on to the pain isn’t helping you. Let go of the past and start charting your way forward.
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Love Yourself: Pause, take a deep breath and do a deep self-assessment. Highlight the parts of yourself, both your body and your inner self, that you don’t like. Take a look at these parts of you, and say sweet words to these “ugly parts of your personality.” See them for the imperfect parts of you that they are, deserving of love as a friend who is imperfect also deserves love. Think about how you’d treat this imperfect friend, and be the same way toward yourself. Believe in yourself, care for yourself. Embrace all the parts of you, and see the beauty in them. They are the tiny bits that make up your unique personality.
Establish and promote your self-confidence: If you notice yourself wanting someone else’s approval, pause, and that “perfect person” with yourself. You can take away the power you have given to others to believe in you if you use all that power to believe in yourself. You don’t need the pope, imam or a shrink to tell you that you have an amazing personality. Believe in yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. And watch others turn around to appreciate you.
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Stop comparing yourself with others: Comparing yourself with others is the easiest way to bring yourself down. It harms your physical, mental and emotional state. Instead of comparing yourself with others, simply resort to appreciating them when you think of them. Be happy that they are having a good time, celebrate their successes with them. They are on a completely different path from you, and just like you, they can also have a great time every once in a while. Watch them come around to wish you well very soon
Like you noticed, these steps does not involve doing anything to/for your partner. It revolves around YOU. yes YOU. You are the way out of your insecurity. Take your hand and start your journey to a good level of self-esteem now.
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