Practicing abstinence with your partner before marriage has great benefits. It will make your relationship last longer because you both will find other ways to bond without having sex. In doing so, your friendship will grow deeper.
Below are ways to practice abstinence with your partner before marriage:
1. Be upfront about your boundaries
Let your partner know exactly how you feel, and that you’ve decided not to have sex. Don’t try and hide your decision or act ashamed — you have the right to do as you want with your body.
Getting this out in the open early allows your partner to talk about their boundaries and desires, even if they conflict with yours.
2. Focus on becoming better friends, and thus better partners
One of the biggest benefits of practicing abstinence is that you get to know each other without pressure to perform sexually. You must build your relationship on trust and communication, not physical lust, in order for it to succeed. So take the time to talk together daily.
Find hobbies you both share and go do them, and take the time to eat dinner together whenever possible. This will help you get a better idea of your partner without being blinded by sex, ultimately helping you decide if sex is right with them in the future.
3. Find the physical connections that you feel comfortable with
Hand holding, kissing, romantic touching, and snuggling are all great ways to maintain a physical spark without sex. There are plenty of ways to enjoy each other’s company that don’t involve going all the way. Find things that feel good and enjoy them without feeling like you need to escalate things.
4. Make sure you are both working together to wait
If your partner continually makes passes at you or questions your decision to wait, they may not be respecting your choices. You should never stay with someone who makes your feel sad, angry, or guilty for deciding to wait. This is often a passive-aggressive plays to get you to have sex.
You and your partner need to work together to build your relationship without sex. If your partner isn’t doing their share you should find someone who is willing to respect your desires.
5. Avoid tempting scenarios and situations
A date at your house, alone, watching a movie in bed is not going to make avoiding temptation any easier. Even if you’ve decided to practice abstinence, there will be sexual tension between you and your significant other, but you can minimize it:
- Have dates in public.
- Move to separate rooms or beds late in the night, and avoid sleepovers.
- Find activities together instead of simply “hanging out.” Keep your relationship active.
6. Know that waiting together will make you stronger
New research is finding out that relationships that wait to have sex are often much stronger, and lead to longer and happier couples. There is no magic number of days to practice abstinence. However, make sure that you like and love the person before sex to avoid confusing situations or realizations the morning after. Some benefits of practicing abstinence include:
- Time to know one another.
- Great respect and emphasis on small acts (hand-holding, kissing, etc.)
- Avoid confusing lust for love.
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