When you have dated or been married for a long time you know your relationship is likely to get into a rut. This is that moment when your relationship becomes a routine or goes on airplane mode.
The fire is not necessarily dead but it is burning out fast. A rut will come about when partners start to take each other for granted or get too busy to work on their relationship.
In some cases, partners can easily get over this phase and find their way back but sometimes when the relationship has been on autopilot for too long, it may seem almost impossible to get your relationship back.
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Before your relationship reaches a point of no return, consider the following ways to get it back on track:
Learn to appreciate your partner: A relationship is two-way, a kind of give and take situation. It is not all about the things you can receive or take from your partner, you also need to put effort towards making their life better and making them feel appreciated. There is only so much effort your partner can put towards making you happy without reciprocation.
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Before you realise it, your expectations will be unmet resulting in a relationship that is in a rut. Sometimes it only takes a thank you here and an understanding there to keep your relationship going. Don’t assume your partner is not helpful, appreciate everything they do. It might go a long way.
Communicate your feelings: While communication in relationships is everything, for most partners this is a no-go zone. Somehow they expect their partners to miraculously predict when something is wrong, while more often than not they are unable to.
Without proper communication your relationship will slowly move from happiness to silence to rut while you hope your partner will notice your issues. Before you realize it you will begin to resent your partner for not caring about your feelings.
Do not let your emotions take the lead when making decisions, talk to your partner. Let them know how you feel and together you can find a solution or common ground to the things making you uncomfortable.
Also don’t forget to listen to your partner, as much as you may have a bucket of issues with them, they might also be having their share of problems with you.
Be spontaneous: Your relationship might have gotten to a rut because of the monotony of things. Every day you wake up to the same things and for a while it might be okay until it gets boring.
Just like meals you cannot have the same thing every day, it gets boring and with time you grow dissatisfied. This applies to relationships too; you need to mix up things once in a while to keep the fire burning.
Sometimes dress up for no reason in the house or simply go for dinner, the house can be a boring place to have all your meals. Remember it is the effort that counts, not how grand the gesture is, do not start competing on who does the most in the relationship.
Reconnect with your partner: Just like a relationship needs spontaneity, you will also need to take time out to reconnect with your partner. When you want change, you will need to put in the work.
When you feel your relationship has hit a low try a different approach like going to bed together, having meals together or simply talking about your individual lives. In most cases a getaway would do, this way you can reconnect without interference.
Reconnecting helps partners to feel less neglected and to bridge this gap you will need to take a keen interest in the things your partner does and keep up with the changes in their lives. Let them know you still see them and understand what they could be going through or what could be causing the drift.
Stop with the blame games: When getting into a relationship, it is good to keep in mind that you are both different people with totally different character traits.
Your partner will not always act the way you want them and vice versa. Instead of always building on each other’s weaknesses and putting a weighing scale on who is the worst, learn to understand and cooperate with one another.
For a relationship to work both parties should feel appreciated and respected, especially when your relationship hits airplane mode.
The last thing you want to do is still blame your partner and complain about the things they get wrong when you are drifting, this will only pave way for them to further distance themselves from the relationship.
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